The Howl

Are you victim or creator?

Jun 11, 2019

What is "victim mentality?”  I've also heard this called "victim posture." What does this mean? What does it look like in every day life?

I used to think it was being overwhelmed with "poor me" emotions. 

Now I see it as more subtle. 

As Wikipedia says, the fact that something happened to you is not enough to bring victim mentality. "[V]ictim mentality is a method of avoiding responsibility ... IDENTIFYING OTHERS AS THE CAUSE for an undesired situation and denying personal responsibility for one's own life or circumstances." 

In victim mode, my focus is outside myself.  Blaming, complaining and judging are common. 

In creator mode, my focus is inside myself.  On what I can create from any situation. 

These are VERY different ways to live.

We lose power when we complain, judge, blame. 

Complaining. Blaming our boss for our problem. Blaming technology. Blaming our retarded leader. Blaming our partner. Blaming life. Judging what happened as "bad" instead of "simple reality.”

We put some of our limited energy into something that has no benefit. 

We weren't born blaming, complaining or judging. Victim mentality was taught to us. 

And here is our baby A.I. again. A.I. and machines are working overtime to make sure we stay in victim mentality. The information we see online is algorithmically designed to enrage us, make us feel sad, or make us feel we are missing that is proven to make us most likely to 'click' the link and pay the advertiser.

It takes a lot of awareness to stay out of this corporate-sponsored Victim Posture Spiral.

I guarantee the real you is not blaming, complaining or judging others. It's a waste of energy that benefits no-one and harms us while we do it. 

So let's drop it. 

Most of my life I wondered what "personal transformation" meant. 

It turns out that all paths to enlightenment begin in one place: Awareness. 

Awareness of how much of my thoughts, words, actions are not mine but how others have trained me.  How I was domesticated. 

Awareness, shining a light on this behavior, allows ... choice. 

When we are aware that we are about to blame, complain or judge, we have a choice and can, instead, create something new.  Choose to change our relationship with that person or thing into something healthy. We can design an alternative. We can meet every moment with a desire to create something beautiful from it. ... No. Matter. What. 

This is called stepping into our personal power. 

You, yourself, have the power to create a different reality. 

What about sex? 

What does all this have to do with sex and intimacy?  

Can you spot the victim posture when it comes to intimacy? 

The victim posture on a first date: "I hope they like me. What are they thinking?" In a long term relationship: "My partner is treating me poorly! They are making me miserable." In bed: "Are they going to judge me? What do they want/feel?"

What about the creator posture? 

On a first date: "I wonder if this person embodies the key ingredients to fit the exciting future I'm creating?" In a long term relationship: "I wonder what I'm doing to set up this uncomfortable part of our relationship?" In bed: "I am excited they like the kinds of pleasure I like! And I am excited about gifting them with the things that give them the most pleasure!" 

The funnest part of being a creator is the dream.

You aren't letting others decide what's best for your heart are you?

Have you dreamed your most exciting, wonderful, fabulous future for your love and sex life?  Set aside quiet time to focus on your heart's future. 

Without a dream we can't design our creation, set our intention or direction, confidently know whether to move toward new things or away. 

If you have no idea where to start, use my free Dream Guide.  Your own delicious vision is the only starting place for your delicious future. 

Try it!

If you feel yourself blaming, complaining or judging others, simply STOP. Be curious whether there is a Creator Posture that could replace your sentiments.

Let's step into our personal power today so we can place our precious energy into something useful.

Are you ready to start creating? 

I’d love to know how it goes!