ABOUT RIVER

I want to co-create loving, connected community that is committed to aligning with life force, aligning with the natural world around us, and to each of us cultivating our gifts to bring our unique purpose into fruition.

I'M RIVER

 

I help people liberate their unique sexual expression. I'm one of the top sexologists and most experienced surrogate partners in the United States, providing safe, confidential space for erotic understanding.

Many years ago, I left my decades-long career as a trial attorney and lobbyist when I realized that it’s not possible to move an imbalanced system into coherence using the tools of that imbalanced system. 

 

One day I was sitting with a client who was holding her tiny newborn in her arms. She wanted us to file a lawsuit against the father because she was unhappy with him. With fiery squinted eyes, she vehemently spewed, “I want you to crush his balls.” My legal assistant and I sat in sober silence, taking in the implications for the little angel in her arms and everyone involved.

I realized that my purpose in life would never be realized in those halls. And that it would be more fun to build a new system than to continue struggling to repair those systems.

So I vowed to help people love, not fight. 

Trained in virtually every sex-related modality and technique, I've dedicated my life to helping adults play. I believe the spark that makes us human is our gift of creativity, dreaming, imagining, desire and play. Which are all fueled by our sexual energy. I am trauma informed and have over a decade of experience holding space for sexual awakening.

I have guided hundreds of people into a life of thrilling love, sex, intimacy and creativity. People who feel empty inside when it comes to deep connection with others. My clients and workshop participants transfer their creative bliss into other areas of  life creating financial abundance, purpose in life, and a reignited passion for living life fully.

I offer weekend workshops, private programs, and VIP retreats. In my spare time I organize the WheelHeads and the East Austin Kinksters; and I’m the long time organizer of the Sacred Sexuality Austin meetup, one of the largest meetups of its kind in the world.

MY STORY

 

One day after a series of petty arguments with my long-time live-in boyfriend, I looked him in the eye and said, “Wait a minute. I’m in this relationship for the long term, I’m here to build a life with you. What are you here for?” What happened next was nothing.

He sat there staring at me.

Without much conversation, I put my dog and some things in the car and drove from our lake house to our downtown house. The next thing I knew I was in bed sinking into a black hole so deep I imagined I would never stop falling.

It wasn’t just that the relationship was over, it was that it was so shallow … and that I had literally nothing else in my life that I cared about. In other words, how had I become so shallow and empty?

When I was eight years old, I was vibrant and alive. I remember vowing that my life would be filled with people who were always open and growing. What happened? Was I now ready to go to my grave with some barfy quote about how hard I worked etched on my tombstone? I had cultivated a very successful-looking life on the outside, but I hadn't cultivated any life on the inside. I really didn’t care if I continued to live, except to make good on my promise to the precious little pup staring at me from the floor.


After a couple weeks of basic non-function, I made a decision. I was in a dark bedroom with the door locked inside my sister’s home where I had holed-up so I could cry all day for a while when I noticed Cesar Millan on television (the early version of his show The Dog Whisperer).

Something caught my attention.

What was it about him that was different? He would walk into the room with an insanely unstable dog and the dog would immediately calm down and do whatever he said. This seemed real. Meaningful. He wasn’t spewing meaningless verbiage to these hounds, he wasn’t shackled in the binding of custom and niceties - he was accessing something real, something in the natural world. What was he accessing? I had no idea but maybe there was hope. Maybe there are some things in the world that are real, maybe something that’s part of nature, something distinct from all this man made crap we’ve built. I didn’t know what I was seeing. I just knew it seemed real and meaningful, and I wanted to follow that breadcrumb.

So I decided: I will never do anything meaningless again.

 

I went home and backed out of every obligation, volunteer project, and board membership. I asked my political comrades if they felt we were personal friends. They said “everything personal is political” which meant “no” so I released them as well. In my quest for meaning, from that point forward, I have politely declined every invitation and opportunity that seems boring or pointless.

I knew I was never going to do anything meaningless again … but I didn’t know what TO do. So I sat. Not the meditative cushion kind of sit. The stare at the wall with an empty look on my face kind of sit. I went to my law office every day to pay the bills, worked out, and then I came home and sat. Waiting. Waiting for a clue that might lead to something that had meaning. Why were we here? Surely not for the life I had - to work, get money, spend money, have shallow relationships …. There had to be more.

 

One day after a year had passed, I was sitting in my living room staring at the wall as usual, when suddenly out of nowhere a sexual fantasy came into my awareness. A kinky sexual fantasy I had been having for twenty years but had been too afraid to confess out loud. I let my imagination flow. And just when I was expecting it least, something happened - I felt something. For the first time in memory, I noticed a sensation in my body.

It was a hot tingle in my belly.

For a person waiting for a year for a clue, this had to mean something.

I still don’t know why I went to the computer and typed in “Austin” and “kink” but lo and behold! I could hardly believe my eyes. There was an entire community of people getting together to be sexually authentic. To learn about it, talk about it, do it. And the best part of all was the value placed on safety. There were so many clear agreements and protective protocols within the community. Now my belly was on fire. I had to go.


Walking into that first kinky munch in 2006 was awe inspiring. These were the most light-hearted, joyful, and expanded people with whom I’d ever shared space. I found out about the play parties. At my first play party, I met a couple who gently guided me into my first peak erotic experience as I finally lived out a version of the fantasy I had guarded all my life. I was finally expressing my authentic sexuality. I was fully seen and heard. I mean really fully seen and heard. And I stumbled upon the previously unimaginable glory of witnessing my sexual partners in all their vulnerability and beauty as they unfurled themselves before my eyes.

I learned how to fuel my erotic desire like tending a fire. I learned that this internal feeling state can be sustained outside the bedroom in all of life. Life was finally in color for me instead of black and white.

And that was the beginning of a life of learning, dreaming, fantasizing, spiritual awakening, and co-creating magic and bliss.

With so many people.

It didn’t take me long to make a second decision: I will never again do anything that isn’t thrilling!


Today, I understand that I am here to cultivate ever-deepening loving relationships with my fellow humans. To express my truth in relationship with others, and hear theirs.

I've completed almost every training on sex and intimacy available to humankind, and I've vowed to stand in my own integrity. I don't guide others from theory but from lived experience because I believe life is an experiment and I've conducted a lot of experiments!  😉

I’ve harmonized all of those learnings, and leveraged them to guide hundreds of people along a simple path customized precisely for their situation. My clients skip all those years of training, and jump to the solutions that work for their specific situation.

 

If you're ready to play, register for my one-of-a-kind weekend workshop, or visit the Get Started page if you’d like to discuss your next steps with me in a private telephone chat.

"As a teacher, River was amazing, gifted, experienced, a strong and passionate healer on a mission. I appreciate the way River was not afraid to directly address our mind tricks and old stories."

"With regard to River, I started with 'patient and kind.' Which River certainly is. And then I looked up 1 Corinthians 13:4 and, wow, is that passage apropos! River is love!"

L i f e   h a s   n o t   b e e n   d u l l.   😊