ABOUT RIVER

MY STORY

One day after a series of petty arguments with my long-time live-in boyfriend, I looked him in the eye and said, “Wait a minute. I’m in this relationship for the long term foreseeable future, I’m here to build a life with you. What are you here for?” What happened next was nothing. He sat there staring at me.

Without any long drawn out conversations, I put my dog and some things in the car and drove from our lake house to our downtown house. The next thing I knew I was in bed sinking into a black hole so deep I imagined I would never stop falling. It wasn’t just that the relationship was over, it was that it was so shallow … and that I had literally nothing else in my life that I cared about. In other words, how had I become so shallow?

When I was eight years old, I was vibrant and alive. I remember vowing that my life would be filled with people who were always open and growing. What happened to me? Was I now ready to go to my grave with some barfy quote about how hard I worked etched on my tombstone? I had cultivated a very successful-looking life on the outside, but I had not cultivated any life at all on the inside. I really didn’t care if I continued to live, except to make good on my promise to the precious little pup staring at me from the floor.

After a couple of weeks of basic non-function, I made a decision. I was in a dark bedroom with the door locked inside my sister’s home where I had holed-up to so I could cry all day every day for a while when I noticed Cesar Millan on television (the early version of his show The Dog Whisperer).

Something caught my attention.

What was it about him that was different? He would walk into the room with an insanely unstable dog and the dog would immediately calm down and do whatever he said. This seemed real. Meaningful. He wasn’t spewing meaningless verbiage to these hounds, he wasn’t shackled in the binding of custom and niceties - he was accessing something real, something in the natural world. What was he accessing? I had no idea but … maybe there was hope. Maybe there are some things in the world that are real, maybe something that’s part of nature, something distinct from all this man made crap that we’ve built. I didn’t know what I was seeing. I just knew it seemed real and meaningful, and I wanted to follow that breadcrumb.

So I decided: I will never do anything meaningless again.

I went home and backed out of every obligation, volunteer project, and board membership. I asked my political comrades if they felt we were personal friends. They said “everything personal is political” which meant “no” so I dropped them as well. In my quest for meaning, from that point forward, I have politely declined every invitation and opportunity that seems boring or pointless.

I knew I was never going to do anything meaningless again … but I didn’t know what TO do. So I sat. I went to my law office every day to pay the bills, worked out a little, and then I came home and sat. I sat in my living room almost every hour I wasn’t working or sleeping. Waiting. Waiting for a clue that might lead to something that had meaning. Why were we here? Surely not for the life I had - to go to work, get money, spend money, have shallow relationships along the way …. There had to be more.

One day after a year had passed, I was sitting in my living room staring at the wall as usual, when suddenly out of nowhere a sexual fantasy came into my awareness. A kinky sexual fantasy I had had for twenty years but had been too afraid to confess out loud. I let my imagination flow. And just when I was expecting it least, something happened - I felt something. For the first time in memory, I noticed a sensation in my body.

It was a hot tingle in my belly.

For a person waiting for a year for a clue, this had to mean something.

I still don’t know exactly what possessed me to go to the computer and type in “Austin” and “kink” but lo and behold! I could hardly believe my eyes. There was an entire community of people getting together to be sexually authentic. To learn about it, talk about it, do it. And the best part of all was the value placed on safety. There were so many clear agreements and protective protocols within the community. Now my belly was on fire. I had to go.

Walking into that first kinky munch in 2006 was awe inspiring. These were the most light-hearted, joyful, and expanded people with whom I’d ever shared space! I found out about the play parties. At my first play party, I met a couple who gently guided me into my first peak erotic experience as I finally lived out a version of the fantasy I had guarded all my life. I was finally expressing my authentic sexuality. I was fully seen and heard. I mean really fully seen and heard. And I stumbled upon the previously unimaginable glory of witnessing my sexual partners in all their vulnerability and beauty as they unfurled themselves before my eyes.

I learned how to fuel my erotic desire like tending a fire, and decline activities that don’t feed this state with ease. I learned that this internal feeling state can be sustained outside of the bedroom in all of life. Life was finally in color for me instead of black and white.

And that was the beginning of a life of learning, dreaming, fantasizing, spiritual awakening, and co-creating magic and bliss.

With so many people.

It didn’t take me long to make a second decision: I will never again do anything that isn’t thrilling!

Today, I understand that we are here to cultivate ever-deepening loving relationships with our fellow humans. To express our truth in relationship with others, and allow them to express theirs.

I have completed almost every training on sex and intimacy available to humankind, and I’ve put them to good use in my personal life.

I’ve harmonized all of those learnings, and leveraged them to guide hundreds of people along a simple path customized precisely for their situation. My clients skip all those years of training, and jump to the solutions that work best for their specific situation.

Are you ready to liberate humanity by liberating the force within you that is at once the most secret and the most powerful - your sexual energy?

It starts with a feeling deep inside. There is a “high” that is not explainable in words. It must be felt. Until you feel it in your body, it’s not possible to understand the difference between this feeling and that heavy, empty feeling. I want you to have access to pleasure at will. It’s intoxicating, warm and bubbly, often tingly, other-worldly, time stands still.

This internal feeling state can be sustained outside the bedroom in all of life. Once you are fluent in these states, then external circumstances mysteriously fall into place. As inside, so outside. You will not only learn to cultivate peak erotic experiences, but also optimize into the highest levels of human expression and achieve previously unimaginable success in other parts of your life. I have seen an incredible amount of bonus career and financial success flow from this state.

Your unique sexual expression is an essential part of you that must be set free in order for you to be fully free. And by setting this part of yourself free, you free the world. … And have a lot more fun along the way.

Would you like to come out and play?

Register for my one-of-a-kind weekend workshop today, or click over to the Get Started page and complete the application if you’d like to discuss your next steps with me in a private telephone chat.